Tag Archives: Dream

Dreams Deferred

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Camp

Camp (Photo credit: kellec)

I struggle sometimes with believing in myself and my dreams.  I don’t tend to ever fully let go of any dream I’ve ever had.  Somehow dreams transform and grow up, or sometimes, they grow down.  Still I can see the very same dreams I had in elementary school, as more basic versions of the dreams I have now.

One such dream I pursued was going to Florida to live a fruity/community/natural living-type dream.  The dream was cut short, not due to my own wishes, but out of that experience grew The Aniweda Dream.  Going back to Florida has definitely been on my mind, in my plans and in my dreams.  It has even become my oldest daughter’s dream.

I have wanted to travel in an RV and help to create community in isolating situations.  Poverty, sickness, pregnancy, trauma and recovery, passion and artistry, building and rebuilding etc.

I’ve wanted my children to be roadschooled…partially because of how much I felt sheltered, staying in the same few places and having the same types of experiences for so many years.

I’ve wanted to change my relationships with the people I care about and change myself, or become more fully “me”.  I’ve wanted to use my gifts, skills, abilities, interests as much as I can.  I’ve wanted to support myself and my family, doing what I love to do.

I’ve wanted to live sustainably, simply, close to the earth, in a community of like-minded people.

But many times I’ve said: Well, let me do this first, and then I’ll get back to my dream…

Or:  I’m just not there yet and there’s nothing I can do about it…

Or: Maybe this safer looking thing is what I need right now…

Or: People will think I’m less crazy if I do this first before following my big dream…

Or: Maybe I shouldn’t want that so much…

Or: This looks like the logical path, this is what you’re “supposed” to do right?

And: Maybe I should do the predictable thing, the thing “other people” would do this time…

Well, I’ve taken that path with a few things in my life.  Typically big moves and career paths.  Somehow, they just don’t turn out, the universe will gently show me the way it’s going, and that is always in guiding me back to my dream; to my truth.

So Florida, is where it looks like I’ll be going for now.  Yes, I just moved to South Carolina, I lived here before, I “know” lots of people here, I know the town pretty well, I know what types of opportunities there are and the type of community.  But it is a different path than I really wanted to take. I just thought it was the best thing to do “right now”.  I plan to come back here.  I made lots of plans and there were many things I wanted to do, but I didn’t get to any of those things, really.  And the better opportunity right now is Florida.

Yes, there is a part of me saying I wanted to do it when I had an RV or at least a car.  But I can get one not long after I go there.  There’s a part of me saying I don’t want to go on a greyhound again, or have kids on a ride that long.  And that’s true.  I haven’t been on a greyhound in many years and I can’t imagine it will be fun with kids, because it was pretty unpleasant alone, but it’s just a day.

With that said, I’m very excited about the move and I’m happy to have a computer back, and so many stories and insights to share.

~Still Dreaming

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Did You Have A Childhood Dream?

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purposed

purposed (Photo credit: frances bell)

Did you have a dream as a child about what you’d do when you grew up?

Something vivid, something emotional, something vague?

I’m not talking about wanting to be a firefighter, or a writer or a ballerina.

I’m talking about what you express your depth, or heal the world, or share your strengths and purpose.

Was it something that made no sense, or seemed too far-fetched?

Was it something you buried or added rational ideas to?

Was it something you need to uncover or subtract from to even remember where it started, to remember what it was at it’s core?

I know that we all have a purpose here, and we all know it upon birth…it is jut that need to make it tangible that drives us to alter our dreams into something more realistic, more rational.

But at the core, our dreams really show us what our purpose is and if we dust it off and open our minds, we will be shown exactly how those childhood dreams are relevant just as they were back then…today.

Could you please, share with me your childhood dreams.  Maybe you don’t have a duster quite yet, maybe you remember a ton of different things, maybe you have only a vague hunch.  Share them…let’s uncover what we knew as children and let’s build a foundation to bring it into being today.

Likewise, if you’ve taken your childhood dreams(the deep star-filled dreams that are equal to a real purpose and a real intuitive spark, rather than a career path, or living in a certain place) please share that, and share the process that enabled you to embrace your dreams, and share what it looks like and feels like to bring your inner child into the now.

In the next blog post I’m going to share with you what my childhood dream was and how I’m bringing it into the now…

~~Keep Dreaming

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Still Dreaming of Taking This Dream On The Road…(and an introduction to manifesting)

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Big Sur, California

Big Sur, California (Photo credit: the_tahoe_guy)

 

Dear dreamers,

I have confessed that I am nomadic. I have no shame or illusion about this fact. About 4 years ago I left this town I currently live in, swearing I would never come here again. Certainly that I wouldn’t live here. I was very sensitive at that time…of subtle and psychic energy. I felt that this area was a pit of doom. Like a black hole that few could find their way out of. I felt it was the perfect place to get stuck, if that’s what you wanted because it would tell a hell of an effort to un-glue from this area. So when I left, I left in a fit.

Everytime that I’ve lived here since high school I have felt stir-effin’-crazy. Like I want and need to do something, to see something, and I can’t find anything or anyone here to get into. I’ve told people that I wanted to change things here. I hear people talk so much about what “they” should do here, but everything I see people doing is exactly what they’ve seen done before. I want to make a difference before I leave.

 

 

 

But I want to leave…NOW. No later than mid July…that leaves a little more than a month. What I thought I’d be able to do, I will not. I thought in January and now it’s June. It feels so surreal to me and like a such a waste of time, but I know it has been a growth experience for me. I see myself growing a lot. I see the ways I’ve changed, mostly in my communication and I’m proud of that.

I want to, once again get on the road. Go back to California, be truly independent, and build myself up so that someday I can come back here and not settle into some strange state of boredom and isolation, with peaks of wild dreams and unfocused energy. I want to go to some events, use my talents and gifts and passion and show my daughters myself…at my best.

At my best I am in motion. I manage being busy well, being out into nature, experiencing new things, new places, new people. I don’t handle “stuck” well. I’m fastening onto the insights and compliments from mentors and peers. I’m fastening onto the jobs and opportunities I could’ve won had my life not been so shakily attached to a Volcano of a relationship. I’m remembering the synchronicity, the symbolism, the ideas, the creative edge, the exciting progress I have made in my heyday…(or one of my heydays…maybe I should look up that word.)

I’m taking my dreams and packing them into my luggage for new horizons. In Intuition by Judee Gee I am at the Manifesting stage. I did a truly joyful imagining of dream brought to reality, in full detail. I will do this everyday. I know I have things to do, a gift to give, ways in which I can help others and myself. I am determined to see this dream come true.

(I would share more details with you but I’m hungry and happy to have internet at all right now. When I find a stable internet connection I will share in detail the gist of my dreams.  I’m sure you can do some guesses by looking at older posts.)

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