I have confessed that I am nomadic. I have no shame or illusion about this fact. About 4 years ago I left this town I currently live in, swearing I would never come here again. Certainly that I wouldn’t live here. I was very sensitive at that time…of subtle and psychic energy. I felt that this area was a pit of doom. Like a black hole that few could find their way out of. I felt it was the perfect place to get stuck, if that’s what you wanted because it would tell a hell of an effort to un-glue from this area. So when I left, I left in a fit.
Everytime that I’ve lived here since high school I have felt stir-effin’-crazy. Like I want and need to do something, to see something, and I can’t find anything or anyone here to get into. I’ve told people that I wanted to change things here. I hear people talk so much about what “they” should do here, but everything I see people doing is exactly what they’ve seen done before. I want to make a difference before I leave.
But I want to leave…NOW. No later than mid July…that leaves a little more than a month. What I thought I’d be able to do, I will not. I thought in January and now it’s June. It feels so surreal to me and like a such a waste of time, but I know it has been a growth experience for me. I see myself growing a lot. I see the ways I’ve changed, mostly in my communication and I’m proud of that.
I want to, once again get on the road. Go back to California, be truly independent, and build myself up so that someday I can come back here and not settle into some strange state of boredom and isolation, with peaks of wild dreams and unfocused energy. I want to go to some events, use my talents and gifts and passion and show my daughters myself…at my best.
At my best I am in motion. I manage being busy well, being out into nature, experiencing new things, new places, new people. I don’t handle “stuck” well. I’m fastening onto the insights and compliments from mentors and peers. I’m fastening onto the jobs and opportunities I could’ve won had my life not been so shakily attached to a Volcano of a relationship. I’m remembering the synchronicity, the symbolism, the ideas, the creative edge, the exciting progress I have made in my heyday…(or one of my heydays…maybe I should look up that word.)
I’m taking my dreams and packing them into my luggage for new horizons. In Intuition by Judee Gee I am at the Manifesting stage. I did a truly joyful imagining of dream brought to reality, in full detail. I will do this everyday. I know I have things to do, a gift to give, ways in which I can help others and myself. I am determined to see this dream come true.
(I would share more details with you but I’m hungry and happy to have internet at all right now. When I find a stable internet connection I will share in detail the gist of my dreams. I’m sure you can do some guesses by looking at older posts.)
- If Your Dream Gets Stuck Before It’s Started… (bestknickersalways.com)
- Go For It (myjournalofpraise.me)
- When dreams call you… (sushantkumar.wordpress.com)
- Gillian MacBeth-Louthan – Loving The Invisible Until It Comes True – 14 May 2012 (lucas2012infos.wordpress.com)
- The Magical Serena Dyer: The Manifestation Q&A Series. (manifestationyoga.com)
- The Power of Our Wildest Dreams (elasticmind.ca)
- I Dreamed A Dream (thechroniclesofnyla.wordpress.com)