Dreams Deferred


Camp (Photo credit: kellec)

I struggle sometimes with believing in myself and my dreams.  I don’t tend to ever fully let go of any dream I’ve ever had.  Somehow dreams transform and grow up, or sometimes, they grow down.  Still I can see the very same dreams I had in elementary school, as more basic versions of the dreams I have now.

One such dream I pursued was going to Florida to live a fruity/community/natural living-type dream.  The dream was cut short, not due to my own wishes, but out of that experience grew The Aniweda Dream.  Going back to Florida has definitely been on my mind, in my plans and in my dreams.  It has even become my oldest daughter’s dream.

I have wanted to travel in an RV and help to create community in isolating situations.  Poverty, sickness, pregnancy, trauma and recovery, passion and artistry, building and rebuilding etc.

I’ve wanted my children to be roadschooled…partially because of how much I felt sheltered, staying in the same few places and having the same types of experiences for so many years.

I’ve wanted to change my relationships with the people I care about and change myself, or become more fully “me”.  I’ve wanted to use my gifts, skills, abilities, interests as much as I can.  I’ve wanted to support myself and my family, doing what I love to do.

I’ve wanted to live sustainably, simply, close to the earth, in a community of like-minded people.

But many times I’ve said: Well, let me do this first, and then I’ll get back to my dream…

Or:  I’m just not there yet and there’s nothing I can do about it…

Or: Maybe this safer looking thing is what I need right now…

Or: People will think I’m less crazy if I do this first before following my big dream…

Or: Maybe I shouldn’t want that so much…

Or: This looks like the logical path, this is what you’re “supposed” to do right?

And: Maybe I should do the predictable thing, the thing “other people” would do this time…

Well, I’ve taken that path with a few things in my life.  Typically big moves and career paths.  Somehow, they just don’t turn out, the universe will gently show me the way it’s going, and that is always in guiding me back to my dream; to my truth.

So Florida, is where it looks like I’ll be going for now.  Yes, I just moved to South Carolina, I lived here before, I “know” lots of people here, I know the town pretty well, I know what types of opportunities there are and the type of community.  But it is a different path than I really wanted to take. I just thought it was the best thing to do “right now”.  I plan to come back here.  I made lots of plans and there were many things I wanted to do, but I didn’t get to any of those things, really.  And the better opportunity right now is Florida.

Yes, there is a part of me saying I wanted to do it when I had an RV or at least a car.  But I can get one not long after I go there.  There’s a part of me saying I don’t want to go on a greyhound again, or have kids on a ride that long.  And that’s true.  I haven’t been on a greyhound in many years and I can’t imagine it will be fun with kids, because it was pretty unpleasant alone, but it’s just a day.

With that said, I’m very excited about the move and I’m happy to have a computer back, and so many stories and insights to share.

~Still Dreaming


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