An Attitude of Gratitude

This past week a cousin of mine got very sick to the point where she ended up in the hospital and her lungs stopped functioning on their own.  If you’ve been reading my blog or know me at all, you might not be surprised to know that I learned this from facebook.

I haven’t posted pics in months because my USB cord wouldn’t work.  My cellphone has been notoriously difficult to charge up and honestly, I was pretty happy I didn’t have to keep track of it because I lose my cellphone more than I’d like to admit…

Another thing I like to do, is stay off of facebook.  There’s just something about it that unsettles me, but maybe it is actually my social life that disturbs me rather than social networking websites.  I avoid it, trying to tell myself I should check it more often.  I’ve created two facebooks now.  I’m trying to remember that the reason I created a facebook to begin with was to keep in touch with my family.  The reason I have a cellphone is for the same reason.  My mom keeps giving me new cellphones everytime I break or lose one.

It is important.  Instead of knowing what was going on with my cousin, I was having dreams about her and her mom every night.  I was thinking how I miss my family and want to visit them.  I was thinking about how things have changed since I became an adult and how I wish I had a deeper connection with them.  I was thinking of how I have been embarrassed to “put myself out there” when it comes to communicating with them, and that I should try to keep updated with them and be more involved.  I was thinking…”I should call my family, I should get on facebook.”  Finally I did, and I learned about my cousin being ill and felt so rejected, neglected and neglectful.

Getting in touch with my family again on the phone was helpful.  I told my aunt this was a wake-up call for me…on so many levels it really is.  I know that I have been ill for many years now in a way I am only understanding more and more as the days go by.  I know its like I’m coming out of a great fog and reexamining and reestablishing my lifestyle preferences.  Some of these realizations are painful and staggering, but I will be brave and take these changes head on.  I need a change in my life.

The best thing that has come out of this is the nightly meditations my daughter and I do together before bed…we send our healing energy to my cousin, connect deeper to each other and sleep better.  I will continue to do this and we also send the energy to everyone in our family at the end of the meditation.

I also look at my responsibility not only for my health, but for the knowledge I have about health and what I’m not sharing with those around me and those who mean the most to me… I will continue to adapt my attitude for gratitude, but also for seva…karma yoga.


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