I wrote this blog exactly one year ago but never published it. I was moving from Blythe, CA(a small desert town) to Sacramento, CA to give birth in the hottest part of the year. Stay tuned to see what really happened. I’ll write the conclusion to this story in the next few days! Here’s the blog unedited:
This pregnancy has been so different than the last. Before the 3rd trimester was over I was feeling great, getting back into the raw lifestyle, getting very fit and active, and doing a ton of writing, creating, kundalini yoga, meditating and intuitive work.
I also started showing really early and have not had many of the issues I had during the first pregnancy, which I thought was a pretty dreadful first trimester, a pretty decent second trimester, and a super ecstatic third trimester. Time went by slowly, though. This pregnancy time has gone by very fast.
During my first birth experience, I had already trained and studied natural birth for about 2 years prior and did a ton of yogic breathwork for about 3 years prior. My pregnancy could be described as training, the 3rd trimester I did a lot to constantly strengthen my mental and physical endurance, my connection to the baby growing inside me, and my self-confidence. I would describe my birth experience as Yoga… it was the yoga of 8 hours worth of trying to push a really large door open millimeter by millimeter.
There were many moments of rest, relaxation, bliss, radiant sensations, and many moments of intense endurance work… like any intense Kundalini Yoga class or the Teacher Training I’d gone through years earlier. There were also moments were I felt extremely high, like a very mystical mushroom trip.
I did prenatal yoga Kundalini Yoga style, with Anahata(http://blog.yogaandwellness.com/), whom I lived with at the time, I did karma yoga at her Yoga center and in her home and she also attended my birth, as a doula. Before I met Anahata, I also did a lot of Kundalini Yoga, and Raa and I did a lot of chanting, mantras and meditations, as well as a lot of walking and reading together.
My midwife was Tavish Brinton, whom Anahata worked with many times in the past, and Tavish’s assistant Jamie, was also a doula attending. They were all absolutely fabulous. But I really felt like I was doing all the work. That is not a bad thing, but I felt it was very hands off, and that was exactly what I needed. I needed to go deep, which I knew ahead of time, due to Anahata, that I would need to do, so I worked on going deep quite a lot in my last trimester, though I was already pretty good at that, due to Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training years earlier, it took on a greater level of possibilities and flourishings during my pregnancy and labor…and quite a bit post-partum as well.
Raa and the ladies encouraged me to do my breathwork, and pushing and just gave me the confidence and support I needed. Raa laughed at me a lot, apparently, I was very funny! It was a very coherent, light-hearted occassion at times, and it was a great time to relax at other times, there were times when I felt like I was at a hot springs resort… in the birthing pool. But there was something missing. I could hear the city sleeping, the birds awakening, I wanted to be outside… I wanted to feel it even more than I did! I wanted music, and since I was so much earlier than expected that never happened, and I never dared to bring it up…everyone seemed to forget about that part…but I wanted to party!
At the time I was prepared to have an unassisted birth, because I had a very hard time finding a midwife and didn’t think I’d find one. Beyond that, I’ve been training to be a doula, and wanting to be a midwife, and certified in the birth working field…and as a Kundalini Yogi, I knew then that I could do it, I trusted my body very much… but I was glad to have found one of the most amazing midwives in the country, I would bet, and the birth attendants I had. I loved my birth. But immediately afterwards, I knew I wanted to do it again, and do it differently. I told many people after my birth, I was ready to do it again. If I could’ve given birth a few more times, like once every week, the first 6 weeks, without a living baby being the product of responsibility for me, I would have done it happily. I was eager to give it another go… experience all the different possibilities of birth.
This time, I knew immediately I wanted to have an unassisted birth, because I knew it immediately after my first birth. I have been studying to be a midwife and I’m trying to get into a midwife school. I have thoroughly prepared with others who have had and are having unassisted births, and I feel very confident. But I am still working on creating the birth of my dreams. I could give birth in my current location, but I am working on a more suitable location, I want nature, I want to dance, I want some seclusion, wilderness, fresh water… I’m working on a nearby mountain community.
As for Raa Shambho, he will need some kind of support. I am looking to have an attendant for him, during the birth, maybe someone to help with Adi too. Adi is great about it, since I told her there was a baby in the belly, she has intuitively connected to the idea and affirmatively commented on her awareness and interest in the pregnancy. We’ve watched “Birth As We Know It” a few times together, and she loves it and becomes more engaged each time. We’ve watched a few other birth videos, and she often comes to read with me when I read my Midwife’s book and doula/breastfeeding counselor literature and diagrams.
We’ll be having a ceremony soon, and I can’t wait to experience her interaction. She has been painting a lot, and I am truly in awe at her creative expression. She’s been into the crystals again as well, and I am always impressed with her healing nature and capacity. We’ve been dancing a lot as well. She’s been eating really well, requesting mostly bananas today, and successfully joining banana island with 8 or so bananas and half a cucumber today… I will also help her pack a baby bag, as I pack my bag and prepare and attain all the extra stuff we’re going to need for the birth and afterwards. I know she’s going to love being a big sister. I can’t wait!