Dear Me, Welcome Back

 

miscarriage

miscarriage (Photo credit: kouk)

 

I haven’t been this happy in a long time.  It is 1:05am and I have a headache…but I am very happy.

 

I had a miscarriage a couple days ago.  I was raped a couple months ago and so the miscarriage makes me happy.  Not only that, but my health was suffering due to the pregnancy and the inner turmoil and that stress has now been lifted.  I can now eat the way I want and have energy.  I don’t have the soreness I had a few days ago.

 

There’s more to this all of course.  There are more complex feelings layered below my mellow bliss and it’s not like I was jumping up for joy while miscarrying, but it’s just a matter of feeling refreshed and an opportunity now to create or recreate my world again…an opportunity to actually release the built up trauma, which I rarely had time to do while trying to survive and just eat enough each day, while pregnant.

 

 

But I do have a headache…probably partially because I have started eating the way I need to eat again and in my experience (having had ER level migraines in my teens) headaches are a type of symptom and cleansing tactic of the body, often related to food and environmental toxins…hormonal toxins can also be a part of it.

 

Anyway, now that I am feeling hopeful, efficient, productive, inspired and…me, again.

 

I will return this blog and write about the many things I need to write about, and read from the many bloggers I love to read from again.  But I just wanted to share the dream…that bliss is possible.  Revel in that feeling when it comes to you…sweet dreams.

 

Also, I’m starting an intro Bliss Path and Bliss Group e-course on my website, feel free to fill out the sign-up form towards the top of the page here and press subscribe.  Since trauma release is one of my major topics in my work and I am in need of releasing some trauma myself, it’s the perfect to build a little community to share in the techniques I’ve used for the last 10 years releasing the many traumas of my life.

~Still Dreaming

miscarriage ritual

miscarriage ritual (Photo credit: subvert.com)

 

 

 

Dreams Deferred

Camp

Camp (Photo credit: kellec)

I struggle sometimes with believing in myself and my dreams.  I don’t tend to ever fully let go of any dream I’ve ever had.  Somehow dreams transform and grow up, or sometimes, they grow down.  Still I can see the very same dreams I had in elementary school, as more basic versions of the dreams I have now.

One such dream I pursued was going to Florida to live a fruity/community/natural living-type dream.  The dream was cut short, not due to my own wishes, but out of that experience grew The Aniweda Dream.  Going back to Florida has definitely been on my mind, in my plans and in my dreams.  It has even become my oldest daughter’s dream.

I have wanted to travel in an RV and help to create community in isolating situations.  Poverty, sickness, pregnancy, trauma and recovery, passion and artistry, building and rebuilding etc.

I’ve wanted my children to be roadschooled…partially because of how much I felt sheltered, staying in the same few places and having the same types of experiences for so many years.

I’ve wanted to change my relationships with the people I care about and change myself, or become more fully “me”.  I’ve wanted to use my gifts, skills, abilities, interests as much as I can.  I’ve wanted to support myself and my family, doing what I love to do.

I’ve wanted to live sustainably, simply, close to the earth, in a community of like-minded people.

But many times I’ve said: Well, let me do this first, and then I’ll get back to my dream…

Or:  I’m just not there yet and there’s nothing I can do about it…

Or: Maybe this safer looking thing is what I need right now…

Or: People will think I’m less crazy if I do this first before following my big dream…

Or: Maybe I shouldn’t want that so much…

Or: This looks like the logical path, this is what you’re “supposed” to do right?

And: Maybe I should do the predictable thing, the thing “other people” would do this time…

Well, I’ve taken that path with a few things in my life.  Typically big moves and career paths.  Somehow, they just don’t turn out, the universe will gently show me the way it’s going, and that is always in guiding me back to my dream; to my truth.

So Florida, is where it looks like I’ll be going for now.  Yes, I just moved to South Carolina, I lived here before, I “know” lots of people here, I know the town pretty well, I know what types of opportunities there are and the type of community.  But it is a different path than I really wanted to take. I just thought it was the best thing to do “right now”.  I plan to come back here.  I made lots of plans and there were many things I wanted to do, but I didn’t get to any of those things, really.  And the better opportunity right now is Florida.

Yes, there is a part of me saying I wanted to do it when I had an RV or at least a car.  But I can get one not long after I go there.  There’s a part of me saying I don’t want to go on a greyhound again, or have kids on a ride that long.  And that’s true.  I haven’t been on a greyhound in many years and I can’t imagine it will be fun with kids, because it was pretty unpleasant alone, but it’s just a day.

With that said, I’m very excited about the move and I’m happy to have a computer back, and so many stories and insights to share.

~Still Dreaming

The Aniweda Dream Realized

Everglades West Lake Trail

Everglades West Lake Trail (Photo credit: Guillaume Capron)

When I started this blog(almost exactly 3 years ago back in 2010), I was reminiscing on the taste of The Aniweda Dream I’d had months earlier.  It had been almost a year later, but I knew I had never felt more alive and that this dream was forever, a part of me.  I dreamed of experiencing it again.

 

What I didn’t anticipate was how thoroughly I would need to come to grips with the dreams I was already living.  The conflicting dreams.  I have taken a long hiatus from this blog on more than one occasion.  It happens when I realize the things I have to write about, need to be fixed, that I can’t sit around writing about them.

 

And so I did, twice…at least, and I am at the tail end of fixing this last huge dream that is in complete conflict of The Aniweda Dream.  What is The Aniweda Dream, you ask?  It’s a dream of sustainability, responsibility, living in communion with nature, spiritual awareness, living with purpose, community traditions etc.

 

I read about the word Aniweda in a Muskogee Creek language book.  It was synchronous though because I had been focusing almost entirely on intuitive development at that time and had been exploring my ancestral history through dreams and visions during that time.  I felt the knowledge of this term, though I couldn’t reconcile exactly what it was called in my mind.  I knew it ended and started the same way as America, and had the same number of syllables.  I knew it was a truer sense of “America” for me, and I wanted to reclaim it, at least for mysefl.

 

Then I found the word in this book.  This was all in a matter of days, I’d imagine(though it was years ago, I could be wrong).

 

Once I found this word, I meditated on it.  I felt a surge of energy emanating from having this connection within and without.  I felt a distinct difference in my comfort and communion with nature.  I “channeled” the most amazing spirit dance ever, at a lookout near the Fakahatchee Strand in South Florida during this time and had an amazing experience with a couple of dancing deer as well.

 

I am now going to South Carolina.  To a city I lived when my first daughter was born.  A city with parks and nature areas galore.  I’m going there to get grounded and feel community and realize where I am in The Aniweda Dream, perhaps that I am and life is The Aniweda Dream.

 

I’ll finally put my Aniweda Dream poetry/guidebook together.  I’ll finally record the episodes of The Aniweda Dream videos that I’ve been intending to do.  I will heal and my children will heal and grow and explore in ways we haven’t been able to, due to those things I couldn’t write about, until I changed them.

 

I’m just a few days from changing those things, so I’m still not ready to write about it.  But if anyone is still reading, please wish me luck, and I will feel connected to anyone else who is discovering, rediscovering, realizing or creating their own dream.

 

~~Still Dreaming

 

Feather Story:

What a great read!

Originally posted on Durianrider's Blog:

“Given the recent blog-o-drama about carbs in the human diet , this seems like a fine time to blog about a sweet subject dear to my heart: fruit! More specifically, I want to take a closer look at some common beliefs about wild fruit, and how it differs from the store-bought stuff most of us have access to.

For those looking at evolution for clues about the optimal human diet, fruit is often regarded with suspicion. On one hand, few foods are “intended” for consumption in the way fruit is: In a lovely act of symbiosis, plants offer nourishment to the animal kingdom in trade for seed dispersal. But on the other hand—the one purpled with blackberry stains—we humans are famous for playing Food God, turning once-healthy things into gross abominations. For hundreds (and in some cases, thousands) of years, we’ve been selectively breeding certain fruits to become bigger, prettier…

View original 4,036 more words